Throughout the preceding four years at UCLA, I struggled greatly to navigate my identity in the midst of ongoing battles with mental health – specifically, C-PTSD and BPD. I embarked upon healing and better understanding these disorders with professional help after tracing my declining state of self-assurance down to an inability to recollect much of my life. Working alongside a therapist, I gradually implemented methods of memory recall; most notably, we began actively gathering and reflecting on old journals in an effort to remember these previously repressed experiences, thereby reconciling the trauma, and restoring a sense of direction.
What Heraclitus Said About Rivers encompasses some of the conversations that have ensued between my past and present self through recovered diary entries. This process has been anything but easy, and nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster. However, witnessing my growth in tangible form has served as further encouragement to validate and embrace my past, rather than denying their reality.
The entitlement of my capstone is inspired by a line in Heraclitus’s literary work Fragments that reads “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it is not the same river and he is not the same man.” My current perspective is reminiscent of this quote; I am not bound to a moment, I am ever-changing because of it.
In tandem with the personal guidance this project has provided for me, I wish for it to serve as a gentle reminder for you that thoughts are not stagnant, and disposition is not permanent (no matter how deeply paralyzing mental illness can oftentimes feel). While tending after yourself, I hope that journey is led with the patience, respect, and love you deserve.
